ETH Fish Club

Zürich’s oldest, largest and wettest student association. Poke the hat. It knows things.

Founded 1855, or possibly earlier. The fish won’t say.

15 m

Who we are

The ETH Fish Club exists to promote fish, fish-adjacent thinking, and the wearing of fish on the head. We have no website. This is not it.

Nobody remembers who founded the club. Most historians agree it was a trout. The trout has declined to comment.

Our members come from every department, including several departments that do not exist. What unites us is simple: the hat, the water, and a firm refusal to explain either.

40 m

The Hat

The hat is not merchandise. The hat is a calling. It chooses you. It has already chosen several people. They seem fine.

Model	Trucker cap, olive mesh, white front panel, one (1) bass
Material	Fish-adjacent
Waterproof	Spiritually
Worn by	Members, and people who will become members
Dress code	Mandatory at all club functions, optional in exams (do not test this)
Fish orientation	Head forward. Tail backward. Always.
Price	One secret. Paid in person.

70 m

Weekly programme

MondayGill maintenanceBring your own gills. Borrowed gills will be returned damp.
TuesdaySeminar: fluid dynamics for people who are 60% fluidHG, in whichever room is empty.
WednesdaySynchronised staring at the LimmatBahnhofbrücke, sunset. Silence is part of the exercise.
ThursdayPublic outreachHat on. Walk through the ETH main hall. If anyone asks, just nod slowly.
FridayRecovery swimHorizontal. On a couch.
WeekendUnknownWe are fish. We do not understand weekends.

100 m

Membership ranks

Guppy
You have heard of us. Welcome, technically. Your tail is bigger than your ambitions.
Minnow
You have seen the hat in person and could not look away.
Egli
You claimed membership to a stranger and they believed you.
Hecht
You own a hat. You wear it without irony.
Der Grosse Fisch
There is only one. It lives at the bottom of this page.

115 m

The Hook Gauntlet

Every member starts as a guppy. Swim past the hooks and the kelp to climb the ranks. Tap, click or press space to swim up. Do not take the bait.

130 m

Notable members

Albert EinsteinHas never publicly denied it.

The Polyterrasse pigeonProbationary. Keeps flying, which is frowned upon.

The bass on the hatHonorary chair. Attends every meeting. Has not blinked since 1855.

A fishThe fish.

160 m

Get your fish name

Every member receives a fish name. It is permanent, legally binding, and assigned by an ancient algorithm that is definitely not a hash function.

172 m

Fish fact of the day

Real facts, verified by the committee. The committee cannot read, but it tried.

180 m

Blub translator

Type something in human. Receive it in fluent Fish. Useful for exams, landlords and the Limmat.

blub.

190 m

Fish Asked Questions

Questions submitted by fish. Answered by the committee, which is also fish.

Is this a real club?

As real as it needs to be.

Why is there a human under the hat?

Structural support. We are working on alternatives.

Is water wet?

The committee has been debating this since 1855. Current ruling: we are wet, water is merely water.

Is it affiliated with ETH?

We are affiliated with water. ETH is near water. Draw your own conclusions.

Where do you meet?

Wherever the hat is. Mostly near the Limmat. Never in the Mensa on fish day.

How do I join?

You joined when you started reading. Your fish name is further up.

Can I leave?

Fish don’t leave. They drift.

Is there a membership fee?

One fish fact per semester, payable to any member in a hat. Need one? See the fish fact of the day.

200 m

You’ve reached the bottom. This is Der Grosse Fisch, club president. It has been waiting for you.

The ETH Fish Club is not affiliated with ETH Zürich, the VSETH, the ASVZ, or any specific fish. Blub.