Zürich’s oldest, largest and wettest student association. Poke the hat. It knows things.
Founded 1855, or possibly earlier. The fish won’t say.
Who we are
The ETH Fish Club exists to promote fish, fish-adjacent thinking, and the wearing of fish on the head. We have no website. This is not it.
Nobody remembers who founded the club. Most historians agree it was a trout. The trout has declined to comment.
Our members come from every department, including several departments that do not exist. What unites us is simple: the hat, the water, and a firm refusal to explain either.
The Hat
The hat is not merchandise. The hat is a calling. It chooses you. It has already chosen several people. They seem fine.
| Model | Trucker cap, olive mesh, white front panel, one (1) bass |
|---|---|
| Material | Fish-adjacent |
| Waterproof | Spiritually |
| Worn by | Members, and people who will become members |
| Dress code | Mandatory at all club functions, optional in exams (do not test this) |
| Fish orientation | Head forward. Tail backward. Always. |
| Price | One secret. Paid in person. |
Weekly programme
- MondayGill maintenanceBring your own gills. Borrowed gills will be returned damp.
- TuesdaySeminar: fluid dynamics for people who are 60% fluidHG, in whichever room is empty.
- WednesdaySynchronised staring at the LimmatBahnhofbrücke, sunset. Silence is part of the exercise.
- ThursdayPublic outreachHat on. Walk through the ETH main hall. If anyone asks, just nod slowly.
- FridayRecovery swimHorizontal. On a couch.
- WeekendUnknownWe are fish. We do not understand weekends.
Membership ranks
Start as a Guppy, level up to Hai.
Every fish starts as a Guppy. Level up your fish in the Fishbowl and you get promoted: the new rank goes straight into your fish name. Complaints go to the trout.
- GuppyLevel 1
You have heard of us. Welcome, technically. Your tail is bigger than your ambitions.
- MinnowLevel 5
You have seen the hat in person and could not look away.
- GoldfishLevel 10
Remembers everything for months. Mostly grudges.
- EgliLevel 15
You claimed membership to a stranger and they believed you.
- ForelleLevel 20
Swims upstream on principle. Also in the Mensa queue.
- ClownfishLevel 25
Lives in an anemone rent-free. Very envied in Zürich.
- AalLevel 30
Slippery in discussions. Wins every argument by leaving.
- LaxLevel 35
Atlantic salmon, the pride of Iceland. Always finds its home river. Unlike you and your bike.
- HechtLevel 40
You own a hat. You wear it without irony.
- WelsLevel 45
Has a moustache and strong opinions about the Limmat.
- PufferfishLevel 50
Inflates when stressed, i.e. all of exam session.
- SeahorseLevel 55
Technically a fish. Nobody believes it.
- JellyfishLevel 60
Not technically a fish. Nobody had the heart to say no.
- BleikjaLevel 65
Arctic char. Lake Þingvallavatn in Iceland has four different kinds of it. Overachiever.
- SjóbirtingurLevel 70
Icelandic sea trout. Went to sea, came back shinier. Classic exchange semester.
- LanternfishLevel 80
Brings its own light to 3 a.m. study sessions.
- SwordfishLevel 85
Sharp in exams. A hazard in revolving doors.
- SockeyeLevel 75
Pacific salmon. Turns bright red when it is time to go home. Relatable.
- MondfischLevel 90
Weighs two tonnes. Has never once been in a hurry.
- HaiLevel 95
Older than trees. Acts like it.
- Der Grosse Fischunique
There is only one. It lives at the bottom of this page.
The Fishbowl
Your own fish lives here. Tap its bowl to feed it, scrub its water, tickle it and level it up. Every game below feeds it XP, and signed-in members earn FishCoins too: up to 100 a day from games. The casino takes them back.
Leaderboards
Levels, the arcade, Fishle, the crossword, Fish Atlas and the Migration · top 5 each.
Furthest fish · top 5
Flappy Fish · top 5
Limmat Dash · top 5
Fishle · top 5
Fish Crossword · top 5
Fish Atlas today · top 5
Fish Atlas best · top 5
The Great Migration · top 5
Kelp Focus · this week
Notable members
Headquarters
The ETH Fish Club is headquartered in the pond on the Hönggerberg campus. It is small. It is wet. It is officially on Google Maps, which makes it more official than most things.
| Address | The pond. Hönggerberg. You will know it when you see it. |
|---|---|
| Opening hours | Always. The pond does not close. |
| Reception | A duck, occasionally. |
| Parking | Fins only. |
Been to the pond? Leave it a review on Google Maps. The duck reads every single one. It has never replied. It never will.
House rules: you must actually have visited the pond, and you must write what you really think. Honest reviews only. The trout can tell.
★ Review the pond@ethfishclub on Instagram
Hat sightings, meetups, pond updates and the occasional blub. Fish cannot use phones, so a human runs it. The human is supervised by a trout.
Spotted the hat? Tag @ethfishclub. Sightings are reviewed by the committee.
Follow @ethfishclubGet your fish name
Every member receives a fish name. It is legally binding and assigned by an ancient algorithm. Everyone starts as a Guppy; the rank in the name grows with your Fishbowl level.
Already a member? to get your fish name back on this device.
The School
Counting the fish…
Every member swims in the Zürichsee as their rank fish. Tap a fish to see who it is.
Lake outline © OpenStreetMap contributors.
All members
Every fish name in the school, newest first.
The school is empty. Be the first fish. Scroll up and get your fish name.
Fish fact of the day
Real facts, verified by the committee. The committee cannot read, but it tried.
Blub translator
Type something in human. Receive it in fluent Fish. Useful for exams, landlords and the Limmat.
Blub decoder
Someone sent you blub? Paste it here. The committee will translate it back to human.
The Blub wall
Messages for the club, posted in Fish.
Leave a message for the club. It gets posted in Fish. Tap any blub to decode it.
The Hat Oracle
Ask the hat a yes-or-no question. The hat is always right, and it is consistent: same question, same day, same answer.
Is the Limmat swimmable today?
A fish's opinion, not safety advice. Humans: only swim where it is allowed, follow the signs at the Badi and never swim alone. Live data: FOEN hydrology and Stadt Zürich.
Fish Asked Questions
Questions submitted by fish. Answered by the committee, which is also fish.
Is this a real club?
As real as it needs to be.
Why is there a human under the hat?
Structural support. We are working on alternatives.
Is water wet?
The committee has been debating this since 1855. Current ruling: we are wet, water is merely water.
Is it affiliated with ETH?
We are affiliated with water. ETH is near water. Draw your own conclusions.
Where do you meet?
Officially: our headquarters, the pond on Hönggerberg. Unofficially: wherever the hat is. Never in the Mensa on fish day. Meetups are announced on @ethfishclub.
How do I join?
You joined when you started reading. Your fish name is further up.
Can I leave?
Fish don’t leave. They drift.
Is there a membership fee?
One fish fact per semester, payable to any member in a hat. Need one? See the fish fact of the day.
Make a wish
Missing a game? An idea for the website? Toss it into the Wish Pond. Everyone can vote for the wishes they want most, and the committee reads every single one.
You’ve reached the bottom. This is Der Grosse Fisch, club president. It has been waiting for you.
@ethfishclub HQ: the Hönggerberg pond
The ETH Fish Club is not affiliated with ETH Zürich, the VSETH, the ASVZ, or any specific fish. Blub.